April 27, 2023 I never aspired to live in California. I did aspire to live in Denver, which my husband and I achieved in 2007. We thought Colorado would be our forever home, but one day I visited San Diego. Why I was in San Diego in the first place is an incredible story – trust me – but too long for here. I enjoyed walking the beaches every day but did not have aspirations to live there. When I returned home, even though I hadn’t suggested it, my husband was clear: We’re not moving to San Diego. Well… Almost two years from the day he said that, we went under contract for a condo in San Diego. In the meantime, because of work commitments, we lived apart for 18 months – maintaining an apartment in San Diego and a house in Denver. If only maintaining two households was as cheap as buying one place here. Let me quickly add I wasn’t seeking a new job but things came together in such a way that it was undeniable I was called here and it has been a wonderful match. We were clear the real estate market would be difficult. We spent a lot of time trying to wrap our heads around the insanity of the possibility or even likelihood of paying one million dollars for a place to live, if we could even find one – although we did set some limitations. Even though there was no way we could afford to live in the neighborhood of the church, with small 900 square foot houses across the street selling for $1.5 million, I still wanted to live close enough to the church that it didn’t involve a long commute and I could feel part of the community. We also wanted to be a commutable distance to the train station so our adult child could make the 30-minute train ride to his work in La Jolla (a job he could transfer from Denver). And, if possible, live close enough to my husband’s work for him to feasibly walk to work downtown. After 18 months apart, a week after they permanently moved to San Diego, we met with a realtor and later that day went to our first open house – a two-bedroom condo for $900k. Plus HOA. It was a no. Then a two-bedroom townhome. Yes, please, even though it was literally under planes preparing to land. We put in an offer, contingent on the sale of our home in Denver – although I was awake at night horrified at the size of the mortgage on a $950,000 home. The deal they accepted almost fell through several times over the course of several weeks but finally slipped through our fingers for the last time – five minutes after learning our offer on another home wasn’t accepted either. In the meantime, we saw a very small but move-in ready condo for the low, low price of $725k. We debated too long and by the time we got around to making an offer, it was under contract for $780k. Every morning we woke up to see if there were any new possibilities – most days there were no new listings. On several occasions we saw a listing, told our agent we wanted to see it, arranged a time the next day to tour, only to be told it was already gone. So, we learned to submit offers before even seeing the house. We were learning to play the game. We saw one that was quite promising, not exactly in our ideal location but close enough. Our agent arranged for us to see it Friday night before weekend open houses and we brought a full ask offer in hand – trusting only in pictures that turned out not to be quite accurate, but we could still make it work. After all, it was a bargain at $800,000. Plus HOA. We hoped they would take our offer and cancel the open houses. They didn’t and when we came by on Saturday, the house was flooded with potential buyers. We learned they accepted an offer we couldn’t have matched just five minutes before losing the one I mentioned above that we had our heart set on. I wanted to get off this heart-break roller coaster, but what if the right home came open while on our break? We kept looking at the few options as they came up and kept reducing our “must haves.” We saw one that we later discovered was listed on the disclosures as a hazardous waste site, for $925,000! Yet, during the open house, it was filled with people trying to find a home under a million. However, by this point we were in a very good position. We closed on our house in Denver, had enough for a down payment in the bank ready to wire, and were fully underwritten for a mortgage the size of which we hoped we wouldn’t need to use. It was then that our agent sent us to an open house for a condo that had been on the market for 66 days and had dropped in price twice – into our range, though just barely. It would be open Saturday morning at 11 am, but while we were driving there, we got a call that they had pulled it. They had a buyer. Perfect location for our three commutes, two blocks from Balboa Park – high on our wish list. So, we went to the ocean instead, not a bad consolation prize. The next day at church, a woman greeted me after worship and said, “I bought a condo!” I didn’t know she was looking. “Where?” “By Balboa Park.” My heart sank. “975?” She had gone on Zillow, saw a listing, clicked the button to connect to a realtor, and placed an all-cash offer. The sellers accepted, eager to finally sell a property they had vacated months before. She explained she is not moving to San Diego but will use it for the good deal of time she is. As she told the story, we were surrounded by people who had seen pictures and marveled at how beautiful it was. I might have looked crestfallen. Yes, I know. It was the one we were on our way to see the day before. As the group continued to chit chat, a few minutes later, she said, “Why don’t I step aside and let you buy it. My deposit isn’t due until Tuesday. I haven’t put down any money yet.” I may have thought about it for 10 seconds but immediately dismissed it as an idea that could be inappropriate – pastoral ethics and boundaries. She offered a second time. “No, I’d really like to do this.” As people stood watching, I said no again, thanking her for her kindness. She repeated a third time. Well… OK. Let’s at least see if it could work. This is exactly the sort of unusual, but now familiar, thing that has happened in my call to Mission Hills United Church of Christ and our move to San Diego. I was only willing consider it because I know this woman quite well. She is an attorney who lives most of the time in the Bay Area. She frequently comes to San Diego to see friends and family and, when in town, go to church. We’re in Bible Study on Zoom together most weeks, she co-chairs the mission and outreach committee, a meeting I often attend, and we’ve had breakfast together a couple of times. More than perhaps most people, I know what motivates her and by what ideals she aspires to live. She is consistent and I knew she meant it when she said, “I want to step aside for your family.” But, the first thing we had to do was see how high this 3rd floor unit was. Height is an issue and time was of the essence. A decision had to be made before she paid any deposit, due on Tuesday. I immediately left church while people were still milling around so I could pick up my husband and we could look up at the balcony. When I called and explained, he didn’t believe my story, thought I was joking, but he consented to play along. We met the woman outside the condo. The height seemed OK so we called our realtor, who was in Kentucky with his sick mother. He called his associate, who had shown us a $700,000 dorm room on Friday night, to come over and show us the inside. This associate had a 1 pm open house and it was now 12:15, but he could come for 15 minutes. We went inside the unit and looked around while he and the woman talked. He tried to figure out why she would do this because he had to believe her before trying to convince a very-likely skeptical seller’s agent who, as it turned out, wasn’t just skeptical but vehemently opposed. This had to be some kind of deception. No one would step away like this. Fortunately, the agent helping represent us is chair of the San Diego committee who deals with unethical behavior by realtors, so he’s quite attuned to this. The unit is beautiful. Spacious. Huge south facing windows, good for watching planes land. Small balconies off both bedrooms, separated on opposite sides, each with their own bathroom. Parking garage with two spots. And our absolutely preferred location two blocks from the park. Let’s make this work! Our agent got to work and spent 30 minutes trying to persuade the skeptical agent, assuring her of the woman’s motives. Finally, she consented to present it to her buyers. Somewhat confused, they agreed. We also paid over-asking, so they pocketed a little extra money too. Let me stop to praise our agents. Our miracle dream home didn’t just land in our laps. We had dream agents who worked as hard and as fast as they could, and among other things, also had to work out a deal with the agent from Zillow so he wouldn’t lose out. On Monday, the sellers went to lunch with their good friends. They had news. After 66 days on the market, they finally had a deal, except now the buyer wants to step aside for someone else – something about a minister. Their friends looked at them and laughed. “That’s our pastor.” This is all legitimate. It was Sunday night when our realtor contacted our lender. He was at Legoland but returned our call to action immediately. We sorted through all the mortgage options on Monday morning, size of down payment, buying down points, a flurry of paperwork and all the disclosures, etc. And just like that, we were under contract on Tuesday and wired our deposit – the same day the seller would have received the other deposit. One week from closing in Denver. Two years since “We’re not moving to San Diego!” But not so fast. Clergy have regular boundary trainings and this story should raise for us all kinds of red flags. And perhaps even occupy a gray area in the end. Was the person who stepped aside capable of such a decision? Was this done in secret? Would there be any monetary harm or gain? Would the relationship between the pastor and member change or be subject to tension? In between hearing “I’ll step aside for you” three times, I asked these and many other questions. And continued to. Repeatedly and frequently in the middle of the night. Several important points: the woman is a practicing attorney, not a vulnerable adult. This would be a second home and would not displace her. She had not put down any money, though she had paid for an inspection – which we reimbursed. The whole idea came to her, not me, while people stood around listening to it unfold. This is completely in character for her. Will it change the pastoral relationship? When I first moved to San Diego and needed a temporary apartment for 18 months, a member offered to rent me one in a building they owned. I turned it down over possible tenant/landlord complications. What about this time? Perhaps I am rationalizing. Could we have waited and kept looking? Did I want to get off the housing-search roller coaster? Yes, to both. For both clergy looking to buy and churches trying to call a pastor to places with such outrageously high real estate prices and limited options, what are some solutions to a problem that’s only getting worse – not to mention for teachers and nurses and social workers and everyone else. We are extraordinarily fortunate to have owned a home we had lived in long enough to amass funds for a down payment. We have no student loan debt. Our child who lives with us is now a young adult. We are both fortunate enough to be 30 years into our careers. But can we keep paying this mortgage in retirement, because along with HOA fees, utilities, insurance, etc., this will eat up an unbelievable 67% percent of my husband’s and my take-home pay. We toyed with the idea of just renting/leasing instead of buying, but is that wise? I know for many younger people, it is the only option. I have no complaints about my congregation’s generous compensation – but can all churches do this? Will all clergy come with sufficient resources on their own? Of course not. And what does that portend for the church? Some churches with means in Northern California are acting like lenders who own percentages of the homes of their pastors. Holy cow that could be complicated! How can churches of any size recruit good candidates to move to California when it puts the financial futures of their pastors at risk? Might it lead to some good ethical questions – not unethical – in order to find housing? It could. And I would understand. I grew up in North Dakota in a tiny old drafty farm house which in the winter was surrounded by hay bales to insulate and plastic wrap to keep out the snow. There’s something about a pastor with a million-dollar home that seriously creeps me out. And ironically, there could be no greater contrast in my housing situation today from my first church. I lived in a massive run-down 100-year old, four-bedroom, four story parsonage in inner city Cleveland, six feet out the front door of the church. Some commute is a good thing! In an area with plenty of boarded up houses, the owner of one right behind us offered to give their house to the church to get it off their hands. We politely declined. My entire annual salary would have made only three monthly mortgage payments in San Diego! Two at my job at the UCC offices in Washington, DC. But while I sort through all these emotional and ethical issues, here’s the final best thing about this fantastical story: On my candidating weekend at Mission Hills UCC in August 2021, my sisters and brother-in-law were here with me. They went to pick my husband up at the airport. It was his first time in San Diego. He marveled at the beautiful marinas by the airport. It reminded him of Lake Erie and home. As they were driving along he pointed at a small house. How much do you think that is? Probably a million. For that!? Oh boy… The next morning my sister Mona woke to excitedly tell us a dream she had. First of all, however, you need to know: It was because of Mona I was originally in San Diego. I had tickets to visit her in Phoenix for a week in April 2021. A few weeks before, she told me she had to have unexpected surgery and would be in bed with her foot up for 12 weeks. She didn’t want me to simply sit by her bed, so why don’t I go to San Diego to walk the beaches? It all started from there. So, her dream: “One of your church members is going to give you a house!” She was sure of it. I responded that would have to mean someone agrees to sell theirs to us, not give it to us for free. We were both right and her dream came true. It is literally our, or rather her, dream home! I am so grateful to have received such generosity of spirit and hope it inspires more from me to others. And now - off to sign the final closing papers and get the keys.
1 Comment
Babs
4/27/2023 07:11:44 pm
Amen and Alleluia! Now that's a God Story!
Reply
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