Sermons from Park Hill Congregational UCC Denver, Colorado Rev. Dr. David Bahr [email protected] August 22, 2021 “Making Real Friends” Psalm 84 – New Revised Standard Version What How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord of hosts! 2 My soul longs, indeed it faints for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh sing for joy to the living God. 3 Even the sparrow finds a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young, at your altars, O Lord of hosts, my King and my God. 4 Happy are those who live in your house, ever singing your praise. Selah 5 Happy are those whose strength is in you, in whose heart are the highways to Zion. 6 As they go through the valley of Baca they make it a place of springs; the early rain also covers it with pools. 7 They go from strength to strength; the God of gods will be seen in Zion. 8 O Lord God of hosts, hear my prayer; give ear, O God of Jacob! Selah 9 Behold our shield, O God; look on the face of your anointed. 10 For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than live in the tents of wickedness. 11 For the Lord God is a sun and shield; he bestows favor and honor. No good thing does the Lord withhold from those who walk uprightly. 12 O Lord of hosts, happy is everyone who trusts in you. (Note: This is Blessing of the Backpacks Sunday) Going back to school, especially those big transitions from elementary to middle school and from middle school (which we used to call Junior High) to high school is fraught with fear and anxiety. Not the more challenging classes but the bus and the lunchroom and after school. Will I have any friends? But it’s actually true of any transition – college, new job, moving to a new city, and even for those of you who have moved to a new 55+ community. It can get even harder as we age to break into existing friend groups. Even some churches make it really hard to be the new person. With all of that in mind, listen to this story. [1]One day a farmer decided that his donkey was fat enough to take to market to sell. He told his son to bring him two poles. He said, “We’ll carry our donkey to market on these poles so that he won’t get too thin from walking the long distance.” So they tied the donkey to the poles, hoisted it all on their shoulders, and headed down the road to the market. Imagine a donkey hung upside down in between them, braying and heehawing his displeasure. They came upon a group of people in the road who laughed and laughed. “Look at you stupid fellows carrying a donkey like it was a pig. That donkey should be carrying you! Why don’t you get on its back and ride it?” The father and his son were very embarrassed at all the laughing and jeering. The father said, “I guess we must look pretty strange carrying a donkey. Maybe we should put him down and ride. But, he’s too small for both of us.” He told his son that because he’s smaller, he should ride while the father walked out front carrying their packs. The son agreed. So they untied the donkey and the son got on. They began again down the road toward the market. A little farther they came upon another group of people. They called out to the son, jeering, “What kind of son are you? You ride in comfort while your poor old father has to walk carrying bags? You should be ashamed of yourself.” The red-faced son dismounted. He said, “Maybe you should ride, father, and I will carry the packs.” The father agreed. “Maybe that would be best.” So the father got up on the donkey and the son walked out in front with the packs. They crossed the river and neared the village. They came upon a group of young women who called out, “Look at that handsome young man walking like a servant while that old goat rides like a prince. You should ride, handsome boy, and the old man should walk.” The boy turned and said, “Father, have we made a mistake again?” The father replied, “It seems like we have made several mistakes today. First we carried the donkey and the people said it was wrong. Then you rode and people said it was wrong. They I rode and people said it was wrong. Perhaps we should ride it together.” “Splendid,” said the boy. So they both got up on the donkey and continued on. When they reached the market, a crowd of people began pointing and staring at them. “How could you be so cruel? That donkey is barely old enough for one rider, and yet you have put two on him? It’s so little, you should be carrying it! Shame, shame,” the people cried out louder and louder. The father and son got off at once, but the crowd wouldn’t let up. And they were so loud that it frightened the poor little donkey. It bucked and kicked until the father and his son lost grip of the rope and the donkey ran off, never to be seen again. What a story! For any would-be people-pleaser, you might see a connection. Someone says, “You should do it this way.” So, you do. Someone else says, “You should do it that way.” So, you do. Then someone else, and on and on and on… Each time trying to please someone until everyone is upset. Your existing friends. Co-workers. Family. And especially, yourself. You know it in your stomach. Your sleep patterns… In the story, what might they have done differently? They could have yelled “Mind your own business!” and kept moving on. Or “Thank you! I appreciate the suggestion.” And kept moving on. People pleasing is so common it has been studied as research in the fields of psychology and psychiatry. The Harvard Business Review wrote about the problem of people-pleasers in the workplace. It’s an ancient problem. Two thousand years ago, in the Gospel of Luke, Jesus warned: "There's trouble ahead when you live only for the approval of others, saying what flatters them, doing what indulges them." (Luke 6:26, The Message) But is people-pleasing the problem? Maybe it’s a need for approval. Not doing the right thing but what most people will be happy with or approve of. Then we will have peace. And we will have friends, my point today. Maybe not real friends, but friends, nonetheless. So, if we wanted to evaluate our level of people-pleasing or approval-seeking, what are some questions we might ask?
But then again, what’s wrong with being agreeable? Being easy to get along with. What’s wrong with seeking the peace? And here’s one more question: Deep inside, do you believe you can get most everyone to like you? And therefore, be your friend. Do I believe, deep inside, that I can get most everyone to like me? Absolutely! But be careful. That’s why I made some of the choices I did in high school. Maybe even today. This may also explain why some people avoid getting involved in social change or justice movements. Someone won’t approve. Or worse, they might not like me! Expressing an opposing view might lower someone’s opinion of us. What’s a frequent criticism of activists? Why must they be so disagreeable? Disturbing “the peace.” My dad was far from what anyone would consider a radical for social change. Among many other things, he was a Gideon – the people who put Bibles in hotel rooms and try to hand out little New Testaments at schools. He was a Gideon because my dad loved the Bible. He read it every day and simply wanted others to encounter it and love it too. One of my prized possessions is the Bible my mother gave him while they were dating in 1944. It’s so well worn; it barely stays together. And so full of notes, the pages couldn’t hold anymore. You get the picture. But one day he got in trouble with the head Gideon in Montana. The topic of homosexuality had come up. Apparently, everyone believed they were on the same page of condemnation. My father very calmly and clearly said his son was gay and that he loved him. That was it. That night he got a call asking “What kind of trouble are you trying to stir up in Miles City?” From a man whose son was also gay, but of whom he had a starkly different opinion about his son’s eternal soul. All of a sudden, in his 80s, my dad was an “agitator” with a gay agenda. He never went back to another meeting. My dad knew the Bible better than most people. He lived his life to please God. That didn’t always please everyone, which can be hard. We might think that pleasing God means we should please other people. But Jesus surely didn’t spend all his time trying to please people. You don’t eat dinner with prostitutes and tax collectors to win brownie points. You don’t invite yourself to the home of Zacchaeus or allow Mary to listen in on conversations between men. You don’t stop men from stoning a woman caught in adultery. You don’t pardon criminals or call religious people snakes, broods of vipers, and hypocrites – not just once but over and over. Being true to yourself and to your God, standing up and speaking out for justice and disturbing the peace, might not win a lot of friends, but it will attract real friends. And a few real friends is much better than being liked by everyone. There’s nothing radical about that. I’m just making sense, right? But it came to mind in what the Psalm for today says. Verse 10: “I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than live in the tents of wickedness.” What that’s really saying is, “I would rather just stand at the door than to have a comfortable home with what is wrong.” Or, as you return to school, or contemplate a move or a change in your life, the Psalmist might say, I’d rather be true to myself and to God than to have a lot of people who like me. This Psalm expresses a longing for home. It speaks of weeping and walking through a lonely valley. In times of transition, whether it is at school, work, or anywhere else, we often feel lonely, hoping and praying for a place where we can belong. The Psalmist’s ultimate hope, I believe, is to welcome God inside of us, and then, “Oh my goodness, how lovely is your dwelling place.” So, good luck and God bless on your new adventures and journeys! I pray you find real friends along the way with whom you can share with bold confidence such values as Black Lives Matter, that science is real, that no human being is illegal, and that love is love is love. Not everyone will be pleased, but that won’t matter if what you simply want are real friends. And to be a real friend. [1] “The Father, the Son, and the Donkey” in Doorways to the Soul: 52 Wisdom Tales from Around the World, edited by Elisa Davy Pearmain, Pilgrim Press, 1998.
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